Not Ranked
A self absorbed, Ultra Liberal woman, decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She charges the $15,000 to her platinum credit card, has the procedure and feels pretty good about the results.
A couple of week later and the facial swelling is gone so she finally leaves her house for the first time to attend a large Global warming rally. Since she is a climate change organizer in her district, she is invited backstage to meet Al Gore. Al reminds her to “be green” that polar bears are dying and to always promote Obama and his radical Socialist/Marxist agendas at any opportunity in order to save the planet.
After she leaves the rally, she stops at a news stand to buy a New York Times. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'
'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily! Global warming is destroying the planet and I voted for Obama! He’s fundamentally transforming America!’
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50! Global warming is destroying the planet and I voted for Obama! He’s fundamentally transforming America!’
Now she's feeling really good about herself so she stops in a nearby drug store on her way home to treat herself to some new makeup. She goes up to the counter to pay for her items and asks the clerk the same question.
The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50! Global warming is destroying the planet and I voted for Obama! He’s fundamentally transforming America!’
While waiting at the bus stop for the bus (saving the planet and all) to go to the mall to shop for some new clothes, she asks an old man sitting on the bench next to her the same question that she had asked the others.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and a staunch Conservative! I’ve worked hard all my life, lived within my means and responsibly saved any extra money for a rainy day wherever possible. I’ve served in the military and fought many deadly battles for our nation! I’ve paid a high price for my service and have a purple heart to prove it! I have protected America from all foreign enemies, only to see my glorious America destroyed by a corrupt Socialist/Marxist president.
I have seen my property value, stock value and the US dollar nearly destroyed by greedy Washington politicians while the cost of living and my taxes have risen through the roof! Then, when I do realize that my eyesight is nearly gone the VA, Medicare and Medicaid decide that I’m just too old for the procedure and the medicine is too expensive!
So in just a few years I went from being financially sound and secure to being old, broke, nearly blind and riding a bus!
But…., when I was young there was always a sure-fire way to tell exactly how old a woman was. So even though I’m old and nearly blind, I can know without a doubt, exactly how old you are. It may sound very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra and feel your breasts. Then, and only then, can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence for the bus on the empty street until the Liberal woman’s curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the heck, I just have to know, go ahead and try.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse. He squeezes and fondles her breasts. After a couple of minutes, he removes his hands from under her top. She then says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'
He leans back, looks her straight in the eyes and says, 'Madam, you are exactly 50 years old.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell just from feeling my breasts?'
The old man says, 'well, I can tell you but you must first promise that you won't get mad.'
'I promise I won't be angry,' she says.
'I was behind you at McDonalds and only GULLIBLE DUMBASSES believe the global warming lie and voted for Obama & his communist agenda!'
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