[CobraDan]

When Santa runs out of prozac

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas.
Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a
career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send
you a book so you can learn to read
and write? I'm giving your older brother the
space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only
thing I ask for is Peace and Joy in the world for
everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you,
didn't they? Santa
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Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a
fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck
this year! Love, Joey

Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm
gonna torch your house. You'll have more
fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy + daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having
with the babysitter? He's banging her like a
screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get
you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my
friends have more Pokemon cards than I do.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,
It blows my mind. Kids are forcing their
parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these
stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats
are even learning to play the game. Let me get
you something more your speed, like
"Chutes and Ladders."
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some
G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the sh!ts and carrots make the deer
fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-a$$?
Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some
Toblerone. Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Las
Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing
cocktail waitresses a$$es, and losing all my cash
at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really
know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.......... Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year.
Please, please, please, PLEASE.

Timmy,
That whiney begging sh!t may work with your
folks, but that crap doesn't work up here.
You're getting a sweater again. Santa
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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house,
how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

MARK,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why
you're getting your a$$ whipped at school.
Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
low-rent apartment complex you're living in.
Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the
burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams! Santa