[CobraDan]

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there are
several cabs and I was in the wrong one.
************************************
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
said."Yes, they used to be," the patient said sadly.
**************************************
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
*************************************
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right
eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned
and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked. He was standing
there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard
to finish the exam.
****************************************
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his Cardiologist, he
informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" The
doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see;
the man had over fifty patches on his Body. Now the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applyingv a new one. And you always wondered
why instructions always seemed to state the obvious!
*****************************************
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why,
not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."
*****************************************
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast
this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to
see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
"KY Jelly."
*****************************************
And of course, the best is saved for last: A lady walked into a pharmacy and
spoke to the pharmacist. She asked, "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes," he
answered. She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered. "Can you get
it over the counter?" she asked. "I can if I take two," he answered