[CobraDan]

* You answer the door before people knock.

* Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

* You ski uphill.

* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

* You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

* You lick your coffeepot clean.

* You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

* You chew on other people's fingernails.

* Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."

* You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.

* You can jump-start your cobra without cables.

* Cocaine is a downer.

* All your kids are named "Joe".

* You don't need a hammer to pound nails.

* Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

* You don't sweat, you percolate.

* You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.

* You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

* You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

* You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

* Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

* You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

* People get dizzy just watching you.

* You've worn the finish off your coffee table.

* The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

* Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

* Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

* Instant coffee takes too long.

* When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."

* You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

* Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

* You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

* You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

* You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.

* You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

* You short out motion detectors.

* You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

* Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

* You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

* You don't tan, you roast.

* You can't even remember your second cup.

* You help your dog chase its tail.