Dear Taxpayers:
The only thing that the Internal Revenue Services has not taxed is your pecker.
This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is employed but operates in the hole.
Furthermore, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
Accordingly, after March 1, 2002 your pecker will be taxed based on size. Using the "Pecker Checker Scale" below determine your size and category and insert the additional tax under two other taxes page 4, part V, line 61 of your standard tax form.
PECKER CHECKER SCALES
10 to 12 inches
Luxury Tax $50.00
8 to 9 inches
Pole Tax $25.00
6 to 7 inches
Privilege Tax $ 15.00
4 to 5 inches
Nuisance tax $ 5.00
Anyone under four inches is eligible for a refund; please do not ask for an extension.
Males with a pecker in excess of 12 inches should be filed under Capital gains. If unsure of your correct category call us at our office and we will send you a Peter Meter Reader.
Yours truly,
Your Tax Woman
