[bliss]

Top tip: if you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it’s so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it’s not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish me luck.....I appear in court next Monday.

A fat girl served me food in McDonald’s at lunch time. She said, ‘sorry about the wait.’ I said, ‘don’t worry, you’re bound to lose it eventually.’

I was behind a rather large woman at the checkout. She had on a pair of jeans that said, ‘Guess.’ I said, “I don’t know........maybe 350 pounds.”

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself “fat chance with a face like that!”

Years ago it was suggested ‘that an apple a day kept the doctor away.’ But since many doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best.