[Chad Johnson]

POLITICALLY CORRECT

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK --- She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.
2. She is not EASY --- She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
3. She is not DUMB --- She is A DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
4. She has not BEEN AROUND --- She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY --- She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS --- She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU --- She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SLUT --- She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS --- She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER --- She is A LOW-COST SERVICE PROVIDER.
13. She does not HAVE A MOUSTACHE --- She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
14. She is not a BAD COOK --- She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

OK, now the guys get it...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT--- He has A GRAIN BYPRODUCT STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER --- He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME --- He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not a SLAP HEAD --- He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER --- He SEEKS GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.