[bliss]

In a man's world......

* Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

* Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

* If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

* Birth control would come in ale or lager.

* Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

* The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

* "Sorry I'm late, but I was out getting wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

* Garbage would take itself out.

* Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

* Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"

* Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

* On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

* St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.

* The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

* Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

* When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. For example:

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

* Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."

* The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

* Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

* Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
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Ten Thoughts to Ponder


Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

The Number 1 thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn you’re a$$ tomorrow.


And as someone recently said to me:
"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."