[CobraDan]

"I can't find it,"
REALLY MEANS: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"That's women's work,"
REALLY MEANS: "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
"Will you marry me?"
REALLY MEANS: "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"It's a guy thing,"
REALLY MEANS: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
REALLY MEANS: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to explain,"
REALLY MEANS: "I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately,"
REALLY MEANS: "The batteries in the remote are dead."
"We're going to be late,"
REALLY MEANS: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard,"
REALLY MEANS: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear,"
REALLY MEANS: "Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love,"
REALLY MEANS: "I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me,"
REALLY MEANS: "You want me to stay awake."
"You know how bad my memory is,"
REALLY MEANS: "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."