Not Ranked
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks the cabbie, "Do you have enough room up there for a Pizza and a six pack of Beer?"
The cabbie says, "Sure." So the frat boy leans forward and throws-up.
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