[bliss]

What's easier to pickup the heavier it gets?











Women.
_____

I was eating a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a
jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two
days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

I took my last Biology exam 40 years ago. I was asked to name two things commonly
found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct
answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the
wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually '

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out,
he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you’re still black'

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches
tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!

A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing
by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh
bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?' The
boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But
since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works
best.

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her
mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could
look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself...'I'm going to take that.'

A man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer
in the fields and shouts to him 'Where am I?' The Irish farmer looks back up and
shouts back. 'You’re in that fu?kin' basket.'

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was, Where
do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I
know they wanted the name of a country?