[bliss]

"9-1-1. What is your emergency?"

"I'm calling to report a robbery!"

"Where are you, sir?"

"Shell station over on Oaklandon Avenue."

"Is the victim near you, sir?"

"Ma'am, I AM the victim."

"Oh, I see. Are you injured?"

"No. Just got the hell robbed outta' me!"

"How much money was stolen from you?"

"More than $75."

"Can you describe the offender, sir?"

"Sure can. Pump number 3."
_____

A man from Texas buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced "A typical Texas baby boy weighing twenty pounds." Congratulations shower all around, and many exclamations of 'wow!' are heard. Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, 'Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth, aren't you? How much does the baby weigh now?' The proud father answers, 'fifteen pounds.' The bartender is puzzled. 'Why? What happened? He already weighed twenty pounds at birth.' The Texas father takes a slow sip from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans over to the bartender and proudly announces, 'Had him circumcised.'