[bliss]

My wife said she is gonna leave me if i keep calling her fat. I said "what about our baby?" she asked "what baby?" I said "you mean you're not pregnant!"
_____

The pastor of this Baptist church had called all of the little children, dressed in their cute Easter outfits, to the front of the church and had them sit around him.

He said, "Today is Easter, and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?"

One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor held the microphone in front of him and said, "Please, tell us what the resurrection is."

The little boy, proud of himself because he knew the answer, said in a clear, loud voice "When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!"

It took a solid five minutes before the pastor could speak again.
_____

A little girl asked her Mom, "How did the human race appear?"
The Mom answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children,
and so was all mankind made.."

Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question.
The Dad answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
"Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered,"Well, Dear, it's very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.."