[bliss]

Dear Wife,

I am writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for
7 years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell; your boss called to
tell me that you quit your job today and that was the
last straw.

Last week you came home and didn't even notice I had
a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and
even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in
2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching
all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want
anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either
you're cheating on me or you don't love me any more -
whatever the case, I'm gone.


Your EX-Husband

PS: Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a nice day.

************************************************** ****

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you and I have been married for 7 years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice your haircut last week, but the first thing
that came to mind was, 'You look just like a girl!'

Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you
can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have
gotten me confused with my sister, because I stopped
eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers - I turned away from you
because the $49.99 price tag was still on them and I
pray it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed
$50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could
work it out. So when I hit the Lotto for $10 million,
I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica ,
but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens
for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you
won't get a dime from me. So take care


Signed,
Your Ex-Wife - Rich as hell and FREE!

PS: I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
_____