[Baz]

This guy has been taking the same girl out for years. At the end of each date, he puts the hard word on her, but always receives a negative response with the same reply along the lines of:- "Not tonight. I've got indigestion."

After about 12 months of this, he is starting to become quite frustrated. He informs her that if she doesn't come across after their date next Saturday night, their relationship is over.

The girl friend goes home, quite upset. She loves him, but doesn't want him to discover that she's not a virgin so she seeks advice from her mother. Mum tells the daughter that a similar situation occurred during her courting life. To trick the then boyfriend into thinking she was a virgin, she popped a lettuce leaf into the old davey crocket. The boyfriend subsequently thought that he had de-flowered a virgin and they lived happily ever after.

The daughter thought this was great idea, so the following Saturday night, armed with her lettuce leafed prize, she consented to the consummation. When they had finished, the boyfriend looked down at the old fella and was really surprised to see the lettuce leaf hanging off the end. He then said to his girl friend, "No wonder you've had indigestion for all these years. You don't chew your food properly!"