[bliss]

Google is obviously a girl... because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

I'm not saying I'm Superman, I'm just saying that no one has ever seen me and Superman in the same room together.....

Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween...I guess they don't appreciate random strangers coming up to their doors.

Another fine day ruined by responsibility.

National Sarcasm Society....Yeah right, like we need your support.

Thank you for calling customer support...My name is Habib Akmed Mufassa Osama Akmed Habib. How may I misunderstand you and piss you off today?

Thank you for informing me you have a stick figure family of 6. Your minivan had me under the impression you were wild and single.

Serial killers rarely answer questions like “Who’s there?”

Make sure your goals are unattainable so you'll feel a little better about giving up later.

If history repeats itself, I really want a dinosaur.

Kinstipation: the painful inability to get visiting relatives out.