[bliss]

I've met a lot of people who mistake their imagination for memory.
_____

My neighbor told me she doesn't care what people think about her. So I told her I think about her naked. Turns out she's a hypocrite.
_____

Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
_____

Only the mediocre are always at their best.
_____

A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
_____

Most women are sex objects, try asking for sex and they'll object.
_____

Two guys camping in the woods and one is bitten on the penis by a snake.

“I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says.

He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the only doctor for miles helping a woman deliver a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here's what you do. Take a knife, cut a huge X where the bite is, suck out the poison, and spit it on the ground.”

The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agonizing pain. “What did the doctor say?” the victim asks. The friend said, “He says you’re going to die.”