[bonyhadi]

"Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads "

" WOMEN'S ADS "

40-ish.............. 49
Adventurer.......... Slept with all your friends
Athletic.............No chest
Average looking......Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful........... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.... Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated............ Banged her Poly-sci professor
Emotionally Secure.. Medicated
Feminist............ Fat ballbuster
Free spirit......... Junkie
Friendship first.....slut
Fun..................Annoying
Gentle...............Comatose
Good Listener........Borderline Autistic
New-Age..............It's a mess down there
Old-fashioned....... Lights out, no BJs
Open-minded..........Desperate
Outgoing.............Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...........Sloppy drunk
Poet.................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional.........Certified *****
Redhead..............Bad dye-job
Reubenesque..........Grossly Fat
Wants Soulmate...... Stalker


" MEN'S ADS "

40-ish.............. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic............ Watches a lot of NASCAR
Free Spirit..........Banging your sister
Good looking........ Arrogant
Very good looking... Dumb as a board
Honest.............. Pathological Liar
Likes to cuddle..... Insecure mama's boy
Mature.............. Older than your father
Physically fit...... Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Very sensitive...... Gay
Spiritual........... Got laid in a cemetery once
Thoughtful............ Says "Excuse me" when he farts