[bliss]

A professor was taking in the scene at a popular L. A. Nightspot when
a mini-skirted Valley Girl sashayed on over to where he was seated.
She said,

"Like, I want you to totally screw my brains out."

"Sorry," he replied, "I'm not into quickies."
_____

The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal,
and as I answered it I was greeted with " is this William Wagenhoss"
(not sounding anything like my name), so I said "who is calling?"

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband Powered Freezer
company (or something like that) and then I asked him if he knew
William personally and why was he calling this number. Then I said off to the
side, "get really good pictures of the body and all the blood," then I
turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a
murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced
this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local
courthouse to testify in this murder case.

I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address,
phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the
dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before
he made this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were
given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position
at his work place and the police were entering the building to take
him into custody. At that point I heard the phone fall and the
scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming
down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen
minutes.

My meal was cold, but it was very enjoyable.
_____

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.

As train rolled out of station, woman sitting next to him pulled out mobile phone and started talking in loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Sue, I'm on train". "Yes, I know it's six thirty and not four thirty, but I had long meeting. No, honey, not with Kevin from accounting office, It was with boss. Sweetheart, you're only one in my life. Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!" Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. Man sitting next to her had enough, leaned over and said into her phone, "Sue, hang up phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use mobile phone in public any longer.