[CobraDan]

"LOOK MOM"
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout
from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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TOOTHBRUSH LOGIC

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom
and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago."

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ADVANCE DISCLAIMER

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."

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BUSY RIGHT NOW!

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."

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DEER HUNTING

I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my
family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one
evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my
ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be
nice if pizzas lived in the woods."

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ZIPPER SECRET

A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she said,
"is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you
try to zip it up."
The boy looked at her quizzically... "Why does it have to be a secret?"

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SNOW WHITE

When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs for
the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling
apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the
poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple
rolled away, My daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin
either."

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NEW & SCARY SIGHT

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?"

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CANDLE WISHES

Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my daughter and
her children were awed by the sight. The kids were especially curious about
the votive candles, so my daughter asked if they'd each like to light one.
She explained that is it customary to say a prayer of petition
or thanks, and she was careful to tell them that these are not like birthday
candles.
"Do you have any questions?" she asked.
"No," said the five-year-old, "but if there's a pony outside, it's mine."

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SUNDAY PERFORMANCE

A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His mother,
sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words
silently with her lips, but it didn't help. Her son's memory was blank.
Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the
world." The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice
said, "My mother is the light of the world."

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A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old
Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many
wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Johnny who had drawn a
man driving an old car. In the back seat was a scantily-clad man and woman.
"It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?"
Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he exclaimed, "doesn't it
say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?"