[CobraDan]

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his fellow partygoers
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father,
priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should
not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You
are permitted to deny his very existence
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
BULL****. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
7. If you've known a guy for more
than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes
for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is
forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man In
fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is
trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with
your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden
to speak of it, even at your bachelor party
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission
and he in return is required to grant it
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a
buffalo wing clean
14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin''
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up
with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn
your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super model
... and it's free
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions
have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then
you
may sit back and enjoy
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and
we can hit the showers." " Nice a$$, are you a Sagittarius?"
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both. That's just plain mean
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his
beer
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's
withholding sex pending your response
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a
nod is all the conversation you need