[letsboogie351]

A fella walks into a bar next to a hospital and says to the barman: I’ll have a double scotch, mate, but I shouldn’t really be having it with what I’ve got.
The barman gave him the drink.
The bloke said: and give me a double martini, but I shouldn’t be having it with what I’ve got.
The barman gave him the martini.
And you better give me a boilermaker, with a beer chaser said the bloke. But I really shouldn’t be having any of this with what I’ve got.
The barman gave him the drinks and said: I don’t like to be nosey mate, but what HAVE you got?
The bloke replied :Forty cents!


A blind man with a seeing eye dog stood at a pedestrian crossing, waiting to cross the street.
The light turned green and the dog didn't move. When the red light started flashing the dog started to lead the man across the road. The lights changed and the blind man was almost hit by a truck. When he got to the kerb he got out a biscuit for the dog.

A bloke had been watching and saw what had happened, went to the blind man and said : that dog almost got you killed, why are you giving him a biscuit?

The blind man said I'm trying to find out where his head is so I can kick him up the arse.