A guy is in the hospital with two broken legs. The nurse comes in and tells him that there's good news and bad news. The guy asks for the bad news first. The nurse says: "We're going to have to remove your legs."
Then the guy asks for the good news.
The nurse says: "The guy beside you wants to buy your sneakers."
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Judge: "Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?"
Juror: "I don't want to be away from my job that long."
Judge: "Can't they do without you at work?"
Juror: "Yes, but I don't want them to know it."
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3 friends golf every Friday.
One day they get paired with a beautiful beautiful woman.
On the 18th hole the woman is on the green waiting to putt. She turns to the group of men and says "If I sink this 25 foot putt I will shoot under par for the first time ever. Whoever helps me will be awarded with a night of crazy wild sex."
The first guy says "aim it left a foot outside the hole"
The second guy says "No, no, it is definitely a little right of the hole"
Everyone looks at the third guy. He walks behind the ball, looks at the hole, and finally says "That's a gimme" and picks up the ball.
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The new Marine Corps....
