[bliss]

My wife goes shopping to see things she can't afford and imagine what it would be like to have them. Same reason I go to the topless bar.
_____

Me: "The problem is that obesity runs in our family."
Doctor: "No, the problem is that no one runs in your family."
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I askeed myi doctoar whaat miy probleam waas...
Hee toald mee I haave Irritable Vowiel Syndroam.
_____

Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys.
They were not in my pockets.
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car.
Frantically, I headed for the car park.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion!
His theory was right. The car park was empty.
I immediately called the police.
I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband's mobile.

"Hello My Love," I stammered; I always call him "My Love" in times like these.
"I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a long period of silence.
I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice.

He barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, please come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

This is what they call, "a senior moment."