[bliss]

Once upon a time a Submariner asked a beautiful princess: "Will you marry me?"

The princess said, "No!!!"

And the Submariner lived happily ever after and visited exotic ports all over the world and drove hot cars and chased skinny long-legged big-breasted horny "ladies" and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank Weihenstephaner German beer and Captain Morgan Rum and never heard b****ing and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and ate cold leftover meals, potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at sea and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

- The End
_____

Now that I'm 'Older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered.

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

16. It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter -- I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

19. I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE posted this OR NOT!!!

20. Funny, I don't remember being ... absent-minded.