[bliss]

Optimism: The eternal belief that you're always one-third of the way to a threesome.
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First it's one little white lie.

Then they get easier and easier to tell. The next thing you know, you're a lawyer.
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I don't think playing catch with my grandkid was the problem so much as the fact that I kept dropping him.
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What's the difference between a man and a condom?
Condoms have changed; they're no longer thick and insensitive.
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How are men like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
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Why do men marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
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Ask not for whom the bell tolls.

Let the voicemail get it.
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Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.