[bliss]

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
_____

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"*

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"*

Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."*

"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"*

The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "Leaving her pennyless with three children?"*

The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."*

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
_____

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a gray t-shirt every day because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook.