[bliss]

Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.
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Guy science:

The proper amount of time for a pan to soak before cleaning it is until you need to use it again.
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When does a woman want a man's company?

When he owns it.
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A man is pulled over by a cop for speeding.

The cop, however, is a riddle lover and tells the man that he would be free to go without a ticket if he solved his riddle correctly.

The man accepted, and the cop told him: "you're on a dark road, late in the evening. On the opposite side, you see two lights coming towards you. What is it?" "Why, a car" immediately answers the man. "You needed to be more precise", says the cop, "it could have been a Land Rover, an Opel, an Audi... Sorry, but I have to fine you."

A bit sad, but still convinced that if the riddles were this simple he could solve a different one, the man asks for a rematch. The cop accepts and asks him: "You're on a dark road, late in the evening. On the opposite side, you see one light coming towards you. What is it?" "Well, it's most certainly a motorbike" answers the man. "You needed to be more precise" again says the cop, "it could have been a Yamaha, a Kawasaki, a BMW... I'll have to fine you."

"Okay, go on. But I would like to tell you a riddle as well." "Let's hear it." "You're on a dark road, late in the evening. On the sidewalk, you see a semi-naked woman. What is it?" "Well, it's definitely a prostitute." "You needed to be more precise", said the man, "it could have been your mother, your daughter, your sister, your wife..."
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My wife told me she wants to have sex in the back seat of our car. She wants me to drive.
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The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.