[bliss]

The police finally arrested the local madam and seized her big black book in which her talent was listed.
Each officer on the force was assigned a group of the names in it and told to check them out.

After a week, the Chief called a meeting to get their reports.
When it became time for Detective Ralph to tell what he had found, he said, "I'm sorry, Chief, but I think I should disqualify myself.
One of the ladies is an 84-year-old woman. She is so charming that I have to tell you that I have fallen in love with her."

"Damn, boy!" exclaimed the Chief. "I sure am surprised at you.
You've been a policeman almost all your life, and here you are,
falling for the oldest trick in the book."
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Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.

She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.
_____

My wife texted me after we had a big fight to say I was very condescending. To be honest, I was surprised she could spell it.
_____

My wife says she hates the way I narrate every situation.............................and here she comes now.
_____