I saw two guys walking down the street in matching clothing.
I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
_____
I bought some Gourmet salt.
The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million-year-old Himalayan rock salt bed
The label says the expiration date is June 2018.
I'm so glad they dug it up just in time.
_____
I just had a near-sex experience.
My wife flashed before my eyes.
_____
A Canadian is just an unarmed American with health insurance.
_____
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website.
That lying bi*^h isn’t “fun to be around”.
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