[bonyhadi]

SEX: The only activity where you start at the top and work your way
to the bottom, while getting a raise.
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Restroom Policy
TO: All Employees
From: Management
Re: Restroom Policy
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under
informal guidelines.
Effective Feb. 25, 2000 a Restroom Policy will be established to provide a
consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and
ensuring equal treatment of all employees.

Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each
employee.
The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit
of 20 points.
RTC can be accumulated from month to month.

Shortly, the entrances to all the restrooms will begin being equipped with
personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition.
During the next two (2) weeks, each employee must provide two copies of voice
prints (one normal and one under stress) to management.
The voice print recognition stations will be operational, but not
restrictive, for the month of Feb.
Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during this period. It
will be restrictive starting March 1, 2000.

If an employee's RTB balances at zero (0), the doors to all restrooms will
not unlock for that employee's voice print until the first of the month.

In addition, all the restrooms are being equipped with a time paper roll
retractor.
If the restroom is occupied for more than three (3) minutes, an alarm will
sound throughout the entire building.
A computer simulated voice will be activated and announce over the public
announcing system the name of the delinquent employee.
Ten (10) seconds later, the roll of paper will retract, the toilet will flush
and the restroom door will automatically open.
If at that time, the employee still remains seated inside the stall, the
restroom cameras (which will be linked to the payroll and security console)
will turn on.

Your cooperation on this matter will be appreciated.
If you have any questions about the new policy, please feel free to ask your
supervisor.

Thank You!
Management
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A woman recently lost her husband and had him cremated.
She brought his ashes home and poured them out on the
counter. Then she started talking to him, tracing her fingers in
the ashes and said, "You know that fur coat you promised
me Irving? I bought it with the insurance money!" Then she
continued, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?
Well, I bought that with the insurance money too!" Still
tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Irving, remember
that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes!"