Had a random drug test today at work and my results were negative.
My dealer has got a lot of explaining to do.
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What does it mean when the flag outside the post office is flying at half mast?
They're hiring.
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Little boy: "Dad, I've heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her."
Dad: "Son, that happens everywhere."
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Teacher on first day of school: "And what does your daddy do?"
Little girl student: "Whatever mommy tells him to."
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Just had a fight with my alarm clock.......
It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock’s broken and I’m wide awake, so I’m not sure who won.
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