[bonyhadi]

HOT OFF THE PRESS
Subject: Terrorist in Mexico

Mexico Also a Target

Mexico's intelligence agency uncovered a plot to fly an Aeromexico jet
into the Torre Latina (Latin Tower) in Mexico City on September 11,
sources told La Jornada. According to one source, the Terrorists
failed
to carry out their nefarious deed for a number of reasons. This is the
timeline of events:

Sunday, September 9, 13:25 hrs:

The two terrorists arrive at Benito Juarez Airport. They board a taxi
and head downtown. Taxi cab breaks down two miles from the hotel after
being stuck in traffic for two hours. Terrorists board a second taxi.
The driver turns out to be a "pirata." He takes them to La Neza,
Mexico
City's infamous neighborhood. The taxi driver's cronies assault the
terrorists and steal their luggage. It is presumed that the boxcutters
were re-sold on the black market.

Monday, September 10, 1:23 hrs:

Exhausted, terrorists finally arrive at hotel. Spend the rest of the
morning on the toilet. Witnesses told police they saw the two men
eating
tacos and raspados from a street vender a few blocks away from the
hotel. "We thank Montezuma for his help in this matter," said one
investigator.

Monday, September 10, 21:34 hrs:

Dehydrated but still committed to their mission, terrorists meet with
local contact, who hands them a pair of boxcutters. "Hey!" said one
terrorist. "This is my boxcutter! Look, these are my initials!" Under
questioning by local authorities, local contact claims he bought the
boxcutters from a street vender in La Neza.

Tuesday, September 11, 8:00 hrs:

Terrorists arrive at Benito Juarez Airport. Mexicana and Aeromexico
airline mechanics are on strike. All flights are cancelled or delayed.
Demonstrators block the runways and loot the airport stores.

Tuesday, September 11, 11:35 hrs:

Terrorists finally return to hotel. They decide to blow up the Torre
Latina with dynamite. Local contact finds large sticks of dynamite for
$100,000. Terrorists order wire transfer from Yemen. They never get
their money. Later that day, the money mysteriously appeared in the
bank
manager's briefcase. "We are investigating this matter fully," said
Bancomer president. "But so far our hunch is that we have a hero on
our
hands." Mexican newspapers are reporting that bank manager became
suspicious of the two Arab-looking men and held on to the money. He
says
he tried to call police, but the phones were down. Tel-Mex denies any
wrongdoing, but hailed the managers good sense. The whereabouts of the
money is still unknown.

Tuesday, September 11, 21:56:

Terrorists obtain funds from local thug. They buy the dynamite and
head
for the Torre Latina. They park their rented vehicle outside the Torre
and enter the basement to inspect where to place the dynamite. Upon
returning to the car, they find the windows have been smashed, the
stereo stolen, and the dynamite nowhere in sight. A child appears and
asks terrorists if they would like to buy fireworks for the upcoming
independence festivities. Shows them the dynamite. "That's our
dynamite!" one terrorist exclaims in broken Spanish. Child bursts out
laughing. "Dinamita?" he squeals. "Que Pendejos."

Tuesday, September 11, 23:59 hrs:

Terrorists jump off or are thrown off the balcony of their hotel room.
Local authorities are investigating. One newspaper attributes the
heroic
deed to Super Barrio, the masked defender of the poor. Others suspect
terrorists became so enamored by the warmth and hospitality of the
Mexican people that they could not bring themselves to carry out such
an
atrocious deed. One witness says he heard one of the terrorists shout
in broken Spanish, "Hijos de la chingada!"(*) as he plunged to his
death. Experts in suicide suggest that the terrorist was referring to
his cronies back in Afghanistan.

Wednesday, September 12, 8:00 hrs:

Mexican president assures the Mexican people in a nationally televised
address that his government is prepared to handle any contingency.
"Make
no mistake about it," he said. "Terrorists will not succeed here. Viva
Mexico!"