[bliss]

A son asked his father why he talks so quiet in the house. The father replied because the government is listening to everything we say. The son laughed, the father started laughing, and Alexa started laughing as well.
_____

Getting older.....

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party!

You know you’re getting older when an “all-nighter” means not getting up to pee.

With age comes skills, it’s called “multi-tasking”. Now you can laugh, cough, sneeze, fart, and pee all at the same time!
_____

Want to save 15% or more on car insurance?

Leave the scene of an accident.
_____

Two young girls walk by a house on a hot summer day and notice an old woman eating watermelon and not wearing any panties.

Girls: "Is it cooler not wearing panties?"

Old woman: "I don't think so, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
_____

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. I don't get it at my house, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The husband, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife.

A few moments later, a second text came in: Auto-correct. I meant "wifi" not "wife."