[bliss]

Dear Mother-in-law,

Stop telling me how to raise my kids, I live with one of yours and I've seen your work.
_____

The aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln was finally inching up to the pier at homeport when
the Captain of the ship noticed a sailor on the flight deck gesturing wildly with semaphore flags.
He then noticed an attractive young woman standing on top of a station wagon, also waving semaphore flags.

Always concerned about security and never having seen something like this, the Captain barked at
his Bridge Signalman, "What message are those two people sending?" The Signalman concentrated
intently and soon reported, "Sir, he is sending FOXTROT-FOXTROT and she is sending ECHO-FOXTROT."

Not having any clue as to what these messages could mean, the Captain dispatched an armed Marine
to escort the sailor back to the Bridge. The sailor arrived, out of breath from running up the
many ladders to the bridge, and saluted smartly.

"Seaman Endicott reporting as ordered, sir!"

"Seaman", shouted the Captain, "Who is that woman on the pier and why are you exchanging signals
FF and EF?"

"Sir, that's my wife, Sir, and she wants to eat first!"
_____

Advice please

This upcoming Saturday I'll be the best man at my buddy's second wedding.
Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with "Welcome back, everyone?"
_____

Academy Award?

How can it be that Parasite wins an Oscar ... when there is no host?