[bonyhadi]

Resignation Letter.......An actual letter sent by a fed up U .S. employee
Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to
explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to
stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who
watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for
the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as
incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also
never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it
to you, even
though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP
is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk
around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others.

You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for
your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it
off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green
algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.

Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this
situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy
reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few
parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not
to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of
years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on
your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently
saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that
terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the
administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers
b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f***
with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all
your free time.

************************

Below are a few resignation letters written by staff to their managers good
read!!


An offer of 1 million pounds plus free s*x with a page three girl could not
convince me to stay with your company. A position of junior goat herder in
Mongolia would be a more positive career step, than staying here. What a
shame. Our group has worked well but, as yet, has been criminally
overlooked.

Finally: If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

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Dear Unpersonable B*tch

As per the piece of crap I signed on my first day of this dreaded job,
hereby give 2 minutes notice of my intention to leave this awful company I
want to thank you for all you have not done for me in my employment here.
It
has been sheer torture working for you and representing this crappy
company.

It is now time for me to move on and I have accepted a position as a
garbage
person. This decision was quite easy and took little consideration.
However,
I am confident that this new role represents a step up from this piece of
crap job. I wish the company would go to pieces and hope one day you too
will realise that you couldn't manage your way out of a paper bag.

Glad to be gone,

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Dear Editor,

I would like to confirm my status as the latest rodent to vacate your
increasingly leaky vessel.

Yours,

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Dear John:

Please take note of the fact that I am hereby tendering my resignation
from,
effective, September 1, 2000. While I have a high degree of personal
respect
for you and the opportunities you have offered me, I am no longer
comfortable working for a technology organisation largely populated by
politocrats, vengeful rivalries, and fiefdoms reminiscent of imperial
Chinese literature. In fact, I dare say that I would rather be tied in a
leather bag with ravenous, rabid ocelots than remain at this company any
longer than the next two weeks.

It was my sincere hope that the reptilian extraterrestrial tyrants who
clandestinely own and operate the Technology Group would reveal themselves
during my tenure here, but it appears they are far cannier then I ever gave
them credit for. Hopefully, their insidious plot to befoul the American
financial industry with foolish and ill-advised technology policies will
eventually be revealed, but until then it seems their plans may march on
uncontested. I give you due credit, for choosing to remain here to fight
this hideous alien menace from within.

God's speed, and may the Force be with you.

Sincerely,

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