[bonyhadi]

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
--Sue Lin Chong, Washington

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't. --Russell Beland, Springfield

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
-Russell Beland, Springfield

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:
flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T: \flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by
mistake. --Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. --Unknown

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. -Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease. --Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. --Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a
Dr Pepper can. --Wayne Goode, Madison, AL

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
never met. --Russell Beland, Springfield

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
--Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. --Unknown


He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River.
--Brian Broadus, Charlottesville

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. -- Sandra Hull,
Arlington

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
while. --Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington

"Oh, Jason, take me! " she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
freshman on $1-a-beer night. --Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something. --John Kammer, Herndon

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell
butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. --Barbara Collier, Garrett
Park

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up. --Susan Reese, Arlington

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
seen before. --Marian Carlsson, Lexington

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. --Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM. --Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan
set on medium. --Unknown

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
tools. --Brian Broadus, Charlottesville

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up. --Susan Reese, Arlington

She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword. --Tom Witte, Gaithersburg

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
cleanser. --Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef. --Brian Broadus, Charlottesville

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. --Jonathan
Paul, Garrett Park

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal
paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. --Sue Lin Chong,
Washington

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
wall. --Brian Broadus, Charlottesville


























How to deal with those pesky telemarketers
------------------------------------------------
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just
filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say,
"Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell
them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days
seems to care, and I have all these problems; my
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
just died..."

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask
them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the
company name. Then ask them where it is located.
Continue asking them personal questions or questions
about their company for as long as necessary

4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi,
my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait
for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are
you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!
Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give
Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to
figure out where the hell she could know you from.

6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound
of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they
are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it
until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the
Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice
as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be
my friend

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get
out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN
blood?


9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask
him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell
them that you could not just give your credit card
number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same
company, they often can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream,
"Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment
and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME
phone number so you can call him/her back. When the
Telemarketer explains that Telemarketers cannot give
out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want
anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang
up.

13.Ask them to repeat everything they say, several
times.

14.Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would
please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you
continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly
and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home
incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some
beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up
a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you.
But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any
clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon,
playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously,
Leon, how's your momma?"

19 Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need
to speak up... louder... louder...louder...

20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to
write EVERY WORD down.