[bonyhadi]

Ole and Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into
his tackle box, he pulled out a BIC lighter 10 inches long.

"Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge BIC lighter in his
hands. "Vhere did yew get dat monster??"

"Vell," replied Ole, "I got it from my Genie."

"You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked.

"Ya, shure, right here in my tackle box," says Ole.

"Could I see him?"

So Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your
master.
Vill you grant me vun vish?"

"Yes I will", says the genie.

So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears
back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there,
waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million
ducks, flying overhead. Over the roar of the million ducks
Sven yells at Ole, "I asked for million BUCKS, not a million Ducks!"

Ole answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew, da genie is hard of hearing.

Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch BIC?"

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage
in an
animated conversation. The lady behind them ignores them at
first, but her
attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following:

"Emma come first, den I come. Den two asses come together. I
come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together
again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time"

"You foul mouthed swine!" retorted the lady indignantly. "In this
country
we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady" said the man. "Whosa talkin' abouta sexa?
I'ma justa
tellin' my friend how to spella 'Mississippi'."