A blonde is looking through the classifieds for a job
when she sees an opening at the M&M factory:
"No experience needed! Start work the first day.!" So
the next day she goes over bright and early and lands
a job as the candy inspector, throwing out all the
defective M&M’s.
The next week the boss calls her into his office and says,
"I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go."
"Why?" she asks. "What did I do wrong?"
He frowns and says, "I’ve been watching you for a week
trying to figure out what you were doing, and I finally
figured it out this morning. Apparently, you’ve throwing
out all the M&M’s with W’s on them.""
My uncle was giving me the grand tour of his nice house. The
bathrooms had excessively mirrored walls and his wife
preferred not to look at herself in such a compromising position.
She even went so far as to place a "modesty plant" so that it
obscured the view. Now I don't think there is anything wrong
with mirrored walls in the bathroom. I told my uncle: "You should
be able to sit and reflect"
__________________
Instead of an expensive engagement ring,
you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said
"You're #1!"
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only
occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to
go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
But it would be celebrated every month.
Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the
pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
Two words: Ally McNaked.
The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the
losers.
The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday
Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you
returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you
responded with would actually reduce your fine.
As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."
The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
