During a wild party at Molly's Moon, Valerie had too much to drink and
strolled outside for some air. Getting to a grassy field, she lay down
to watch the stars. Valerie was almost asleep when a cow, searching
for
clover, carefully stepped over her.
Groggily, she raised her head and said, "One at a time, boys... one at
a time."
"Fly" Over Aerial Photos Of Your Home/Office
Check out the web address below. It's a new site (loads
kinda slow). Punch in your area code or home address, and it
shows you a really cool aerial view of your neighborhood. All
kinds of buttons to play with, too.
http://terrafly.fiu.edu/
It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was
establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this
year.
While taking the roll, she was told by one boy, "My name is Bob ****hauer."
Upset, the teacher said very loudly, "THERE'LL BE NONE OF THAT KIND OF
BEHAVIOR IN MY CLASS THIS YEAR, now Bob; tell me your real name!"
The kid said, "No, really teacher, it is Bob ****hauer. You can go across
the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!"
Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across
the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.
The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for
a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class, "Do you
have ****hauer in here?"
"Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a
damn cookie break!"
In school the lesson was about the word "contagious".
The teacher asked the class if anyone could use the word contagious in
a sentence.
One girl raised her hand and said, "I had the chicken pox and I
couldn't go outside and play because it was contagious."
The teacher replied, "That was good. Can anyone else use contagious in
a sentence?"
One of the boys said, "I couldn't go over my friend's house because he
had a cold and my mother said it was contagious."
The teacher replied, "That's good. Anyone else?"
Little Johnny said, "Last week when we had the snowstorm, my father
took the snowblower and blew all the snow into my neighbor's driveway."
The teacher was upset and said, "That was a horrible thing to do.
And besides, it has nothing to do with the lesson."
Johnny spoke up, "Yes it does. My father came in the house laughing,
saying it will take the contagious to shovel herself out."
Mick and Paddy get off a ship and head for the nearest bar. Each
one orders two whiskeys and immediately downs them. They then order
two more whiskeys and once again quickly throw them back. They then
order another two whiskeys apiece.
Paddy picks up one of his drinks, turns to Mick and says, "Cheers!"
Mick turns to Paddy and says, "Hey, did you come here to bull****,
or did you come here to drink?"
OK, there's a fellow who is an avid golfer. Actually he's
a golf fanatic. Every Saturday morning he has an early tee
time, gets up very early and plays golf all day long.
Well, this one Saturday morning, he gets up early, dresses
quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet, and goes out to
his car to drive to the course. It is raining a torrential
downpour. There is snow mixed with the rain and the wind is
blowing 50 mph. He comes back into the house and turns the
TV to the weather channel.* From there he finds it's going
to be bad weather all day long. So he puts his clubs back
into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed
where he cuddles up to his wife's back, and whispers, "The
*weather out there is terrible."
To which she replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband
is out golfing?"
The little girl had just listened to her mother's
reading one of her favorite fairy tales.
"Mommy," asked the child, "do all fairy tales begin
with "Once Upon a Time...?""
"No, dearest," replied the mother, "sometimes they
start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late
at the office tonight . .
