Diet Questions Answered.
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's
it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your
car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a
cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism
of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you
100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable
slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and
vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything
in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and
vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal,
and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so
that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a
burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your
ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio
is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in
a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is:
No Pain - Good.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in
vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a
bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans...another vegetable. It's
the best feel good food around!
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
had about food and diets.
Have a cookie...flour is a grain!
A little trivia to clutter your mind
1. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed
to speak.
2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the
typing.
5. The shark is the only fish that can blink with both
eyes.
6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New
Jersey.
8. The longest one-syllable word in the English
language is "screeched."
9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over
the Parliament building is an American flag.
10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are
stuck on 4:20.
11. No word in the English language rhymes with month,
orange,silver,or purple.
12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the
letters "mt".
13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the
Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
14.. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room
during
a dance.
16. Maine is the only state (in USA) whose name is
just
one syllable.
17. There are only four words in the English language
which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous,
stupendous, and hazardous.
18. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra
Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"
19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a
watch is 10:10.
23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used
furniture dealer.
24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street
were
named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in
Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30. Rubberbands last longer when refrigerated.
31. The microwave was invented after a researcher
walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in
his pocket.
32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed
with only the left hand.
NOW you know everything...You could be a TEENAGER!!!
> > > > > My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
> > > > > "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just
> > > > > finished cleaning!"
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me RELIGION:
> > > > > "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
> > > > > "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
> > > > > middle of next week!"
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me LOGIC:
> > > > > "Because I said so, that's why."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me LOGIC:
> > > > > "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
> > > > > you're not going to the store with me."
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
> > > > > "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
> > > > > you're in an accident"
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me IRONY:
> > > > > "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
> > > > > "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
> > > > > "Will you 'look' at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me about STAMINA:
> > > > > "You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me about WEATHER:
> > > > > "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
> > > > > "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you,
> > > > > would you listen THEN?"
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
> > > > > "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times-Don't
> > > > > Exaggerate!!!"
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
> > > > > "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
> > > > > "Stop acting like your father!"
> > > > >
> > > > > My mother taught me about ENVY!
> > > > > "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
> > > > > who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
> > > > > "Just wait until we get home."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:
> > > > > "You are going to get it when we get home!"
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
> > > > > "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to
> > > > > freeze that way."
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
> > > > > "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get
> > > > > a good job."
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me ESP:
> > > > > "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me HUMOR:
> > > > > "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running
> > > > > to me."
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
> > > > > "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me about SEX:
> > > > > "How do you think you got here?"
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
> > > > > "You're just like your father."
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
> > > > > "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
> > > > > "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
> > > > >
> > > > > And my all time favorite........................
> > > > > My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
> > > > > "One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out
> > > > > just like you!"
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>