Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple
of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl,
it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here
beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin'
these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the
bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and
each put a label on their forehead.When they reached the roadblock, the
sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
... "No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."
A guy wakes up in the morning. He has a
massive hangover and can't remember
anything he did last night.
He picks up his dressing gown from the
floor and puts it on. He notices there's
something in one of the pockets and it
turns out to be a bra. He thinks to himself,
"Uh oh. What happened last night?"
He walks towards the bathroom and finds
a panty in the other pocket of his gown.
Again he thinks, "What happened last night.
What have I done? It must have been a wild
party," making his best attempt to conclude
and accept the evidence.
He opens the bathroom door, walks in and
has a look in the mirror. He notices a little
string hanging out of his mouth and his only
thought is, "If there's a God, please let this
be a tea bag."
One Sunday morning, a young woman, who needed forgiveness for
her sins, came to a Baptist church. She got up in front of the
congregation and stated, "Last week, I slept with a young soldier
who picked me up at a bar and now I ask the Lord's forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation.
She continued, "Two days ago, I slept with a young sailor, but
now I ask the Lord's forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation again.
"But tonight, because I have come here and done my penance, I
will sleep with the Lord," she finished. But before the
congregation could respond, an old drunk in the back yelled out
in a clear voice, "That's right momma, **** 'em all."
Bubba had three daughters.
One Saturday evening the door bell rang. Bubba answered the
door, where he was greeted by a young man with bad case of acne.
The boy smiled, and said, "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here to pick
up Flo. We're going to see a show. Can she go?"
Bubba shook his head, and told his daughter to have a nice time.
A short time later there was a knock at the door. Upon opening
the door Bubba was greeted by another pimple faced boy who smiled
and said, "Hi, my name is Eddie. I'm here to pick up Betty.
We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?"
Bubba shook his head, and kissed his daughter good night.
No sooner had Bubba sat down that the bell rang again. Bubba
opened the door to be greeted by a boy with clear skin who said,
"Hi, My name is Chuck." With that, Bubba shot him.
