[bonyhadi]

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV.

The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV set,
place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they
wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the
set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have
great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on t he set and
his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The
purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."











One Saturday evening the door bell rang.
Bubba answered the door, where he was
greeted by a young man with bad case of
acne.

The boy smiled, and said, "Hi, my name
is Joe. I'm here to pickup Flo. We're going
to see a show. Can she go?"

Bubba shook his head,* told his daughter
to have a nice time.

A short time later there was a knock at the
door.* Upon opening the door Bubba was
greeted by another pimple faced boy who
smiled and said, "Hi, my name is Eddie.
I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going out
for spaghetti.* Is she ready?"

Bubba shook his head, and kissed his
daughter good night.

No sooner had Bubba sat down that the
bell rang again. Bubba opened the door to
be greeted by a boy with clear skin who said,
"Hi, My name is Chuck."* With that, Bubba
shot him.







A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He
took his faithful pet
dog along for company. One day the dog starts
chasing butterflies and before
long the dog discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading
rapidly in his direction with
the obvious intention of having lunch. The dog thinks,
"OK, I'm in deep
kimshee now!" Then he noticed some bones on the
ground close by, and
immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his
back to the approaching
cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims
loudly, "Boy, that was
one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more
around here?"

Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride,
as a look of terror
comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.
"Whew", says the leopard.
"That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree
figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from
the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard
with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a
deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool
of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to
that conniving canine."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks,
"What am I going to do now?"But instead of running, the dog sits down with
his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet
................... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says,
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me a
leopard"








*There is a merry family gathering with all generations around the
*table.
*The little children (naughty little rascals) smuggle a Viagra tablet
*into Grandpa's drink.

*After a while, Grandpa excuses himself because he has to go to the
*bathroom.* When he returns, however, his trousers are wet all over.
*"What happened, Grandpa?" he is asked by his concerned children.

*"Well," he answers, "I had to go to the bathroom."
*"So I took it out, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!"














Subject: Self Preservation!


Twenty-eight years ago, Herman James, a West Virginian mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a
comb. That afternoon, an Army barber sheared his head. On his second day,
the Army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon, an Army dentist yanked
several of his teeth. On his third day, he was issued a jock strap. . . the
Army is still looking for him