[bonyhadi]

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT OKLAHOMA..........!

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Oklahoma.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Oklahoma, plus a
couple no one's seen before.

Possums will eat anything.

Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.

Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are
ripe.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.

A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

The wind blows at 90 mph from October 2 until June 25, then it stops
totally until October 2.

Onced and twiced are words.

Coldbeer is one word.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Green grass DOES burn.

When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people
drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night.

The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first
couple of weeks.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you,it's time to go to
the doctor.

Fix-in-to is one word.

A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation,
watterin' the cows, or swimming.

There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then
there's supper.

Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're
two.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it
is.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

More Oklahomanisms:
You know you're from Oklahoma if:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in
it, no matter what time of the year.
5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the
store.(Note: in the portion above"fix-in-to" is one word......)
6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked
8. You carry jumper cables in your car...for your OWN car.
9. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.
10. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
11. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
12. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
13. The local papers covers national and international news on one page
but requires six pages for local gossip and sports.
14. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
15. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
16. You find 100 degrees F "a little warm."
17. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and
Christmas.
18. You know whether another Oklahoman is from east,west, north or south
Oklahoma as soon as they open their mouth.
19. There is a Braums in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
20. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin"
or off to "Wally World."
21. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili
weather.
22. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop...it's a Coke,
regardless of brand or flavor.

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A blonde, tired of being made fun of and determined to end it all,
grabs a rope and heads out to the park, where there are lots of trees.

A couple of hours later a man is walking by and sees the blonde,
hanging from a tree by the waist.

"Can I help you with something, miss?" asks the man.

"No thanks. I've just had it with the world and with everyone making
fun of me, so I'm hanging myself." replies the blonde.

"Well, you've got to put the rope around your neck if you want to do
that," offers the man helpfully.

"Well, I tried that," says the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."