angover Classifications
>==================
>
>1 star hangover (*)
>No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco
>nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you
>are
>able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can
>drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and
>a side of gravy fries.
>
>2 star hangover (
>No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have
>mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating
>your
>rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake
>breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
>
>3 star hangover (*
>Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
>Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
>random
>gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at
>1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a
>dozen
>donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups
>of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke -- yet
>you
>haven't peed once.
>
>4 star hangover (**
>Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else
>you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has
>given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that
>can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls,
>it
>looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes
>look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject
>from
>the class picture of Revere High, '76.
>
>5 star hangover (***
>AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell." You have a second heartbeat in your head
>which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka
>vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have
>toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.
>Your
>body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating
>you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who
>you
>were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger
>still sleeping in your bed at your house.
>
>6 star hangover (****
>Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker" You wake up on your bathroom
>floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool
>refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your puke from 5
>hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow
>manages to get up before you the next morning....You try to lift your head.
>Not an
>option. It is when you turn your head too quickly only to smell the funk of
>13 packs of cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were
>smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and
>you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the
>mirror
>only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your
>forehead...... that explains the stamp on the back of your hand that has
>magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to
>work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think
>of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.