[bonyhadi]

Astrological After-sex Comments

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus: "I'm hungry -- pass the pizza."
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius: "Don't call me -- I'll call you."
Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"
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A husband and wife were at a party chatting
with some friends when the subject of
marriage counseling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and
I have a great relationship," the wife explained.
"He was a communications major in college
and I majored in theater arts. He communicates
real well and I just act like I'm listening."
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30 Things You Shouldn't Say to a Naked Man

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A repairman is walking through a mental institution. He comes up to the first
room and sees a man swinging an imaginary baseball bat. "What the hell are
you doing?" he asks. "I'm Babe Ruth. As soon as I hit a homerun I'm out of
here," replies the man. The repairman wishes him well and continues on his
way.
In the next room, there's a guy swinging an imaginary golf club. "What the
hell are YOU doing?" he asks. "I'm Arnold Palmer. As soon as I make a hole in
one I'm out of here!" replies the man. The repairman shakes his head and
comes up to the next room.
There's a guy sitting naked balancing a peanut on the tip of his dick. "What
the hell are you doing!" he asks. "I'm ****ing nuts, I'm never getting out of
here!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~














Jeni: My ex thought he was really well endowed.

Debi: And was he?

Jeni: PUUULLEEEASE!
He believed those maps that read,
"An inch equals one mile."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old maid was held up in a dark alley. She explained she had no money, but
the robber insisted that it must be in her bra, or in her panties and started
feeling around.

"I told you I haven't got any money," the spinster said, "but if you keep
doing that, I'll write you a check."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weird Sex Laws

If a police officer in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, suspects a couple is having sex
inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times, and wait two minutes
before being allowed to approach the scene.

Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister, according to an
Illinois state law.>>>When hell freezes over!

A law in Oblong, Illinois makes it a crime to make love while fishing or
hunting on your wedding day.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex
without a permit.

Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two people
having sex in a car.

In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver
inside a toll booth.

Hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, are required by law to furnish their
rooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of two feet between the
beds, and it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between the
beds.>>>Party poopers!

In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the
city's airport property.

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man
while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name
will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any
punishment.

No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin
under any circumstances. (including the wedding night)>>>Duh!

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the
missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute
on Sunday afternoons.

In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying
in bed with his wife.

A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband to make love to
his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines.>>>works for
me!

In Bozeman, Montana, you can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of
any home, after sundown, and if you are nude.

A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon table
unless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces.

Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to provide a clean,
white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple may
have sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts.

Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn
during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner,
New Jersey law.

During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple should engage in a
sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.

In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot of a gun while his female
partner is having a sexual orgasm.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
You just may be a nymphomaniac if...

. You become a Vaseline spokesperson.
. Having two tampons in at the same time doesn't bother you.
. You go through a Sealyä Mattress every week.
. Frederick of Hollywood actually comes to your door himself...just to see
where 1/2 of his orders go.
. You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.
. When they change your area code to 976.
. Tetracycline is your best friend.
. McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal".
. It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.
. When you've got a "Take a Number" machine at your door.
. When you get hemorrhoids on you shoulders.
. Your day starts and ends by rolling over.
. When the sperm bank calls for remnants.
. When you're wearing more latex than spandex.
. When your ceiling mirrors fog.
. When they install a revolving door at your apartment.
. When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.
. Madonna comes to you for pointers.
. When he doesn't even have to buy you a drink.
. When you have a room key to every hotel in town.
. Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.
. The only place you haven't had sex is on the moon.
. When a men's prison becomes a vacation "hot spot"
. When it only takes 2 licks to get to the center of a Blow Pop.
. When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.
. When other women begin to call you "Man's Best Friend".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
















You just may be a nymphomaniac if...

. You become a Vaseline spokesperson.
. Having two tampons in at the same time doesn't bother you.
. You go through a Sealyä Mattress every week.
. Frederick of Hollywood actually comes to your door himself...just to see
where 1/2 of his orders go.
. You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.
. When they change your area code to 976.
. Tetracycline is your best friend.
. McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal".
. It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.
. When you've got a "Take a Number" machine at your door.
. When you get hemorrhoids on you shoulders.
. Your day starts and ends by rolling over.
. When the sperm bank calls for remnants.
. When you're wearing more latex than spandex.
. When your ceiling mirrors fog.
. When they install a revolving door at your apartment.
. When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.
. Madonna comes to you for pointers.
. When he doesn't even have to buy you a drink.
. When you have a room key to every hotel in town.
. Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.
. The only place you haven't had sex is on the moon.
. When a men's prison becomes a vacation "hot spot"
. When it only takes 2 licks to get to the center of a Blow Pop.
. When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.
. When other women begin to call you "Man's Best Friend".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~