[bonyhadi]

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi
at the airport after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the
cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an
affair, and expected to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed
to be a witness.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the
bedroom. The husband flipped on the lights, pulled the blanket back and
there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put his gun to
the man's head, and the wife shouted

"Don't do it! This man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for
the Corvette I said I bought for you? He did! Who do you think paid for
our new cabin cruiser? He did! Who do you think pays our monthly country
club dues you believe I budget for? He does!"

The husband, looked over at the cab driver and asked "What would you
do?"

The cabby said, "I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a
cold."





A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop
and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks,
"if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I
have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The
lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me
today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The
butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for
a consultation










A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the
Pope was on the same flight.

"This is exciting," thought the gentleman.

"I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him
in person."

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for
the flight. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff.

Shortly after takeoff, the Pope began a crossword puzzle.

"This is fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at
crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for
assistance."

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, "Excuse
me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in
'u-n-t'?"

Only one word leapt to mind... "My goodness," thought the gentleman, "I
can't tell the Pope that. There must be another." The gentleman thought
for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman
said, "I think you're looking for the word 'Aunt'."

"Oh of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

















Reasons why a handgun is better than a woman:

You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

You can trade a .44 for two .22's.

You can have a handgun at home and another for
the road.

If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him
so, he will be impressed and let you try a few
rounds with it.

Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have
a backup.

Your handgun will stay with you even if you are
out of ammo.

A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

Handguns function normally every day of the month.

A handgun won't ask, "Do these grips make me look
fat?"

A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after
you're done using it.

You can have more than one handgun living in the
same house without having problems.

A handgun doesn't care how big your trigger finger
is.

A handgun won't tell all of its friends if you are
a "little fast on the trigger"...














The latest strategy to drive the Taliban out of the mountains of Afghanistan is to send in a team of Redneck Special Forces.

Billy Bob, Bubba Dean, and Cooter are being sent in and told five things:

1. The limit is two.

2. The season ended last weekend.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pickup trucks, or country music.

5. Some are queer.

That should just about do it.