A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The
teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too
smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm
smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" The
teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what he situation was. The principal told the teacher he
would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher
agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him
and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grader
should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think
Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal,
"Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two
of?"
Harry, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question! Harry
replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry:"Pants"
Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" The principal's eyes open
really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking
charge.
Harry: "Coconut"
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a
dog do on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before
he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Shake hands"
Teacher: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yep."
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do." Harry: "Tent"
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first." Principal was looking restless and
bit tense. Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good." Harry: "Nose"
Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver." Harry: "Arrow"
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot
of excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself.
wo gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo. They come across the gorillas
and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection.
The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men just can't bear it any
longer and he reaches into the cage to touch it.
The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six
hours nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the
cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.
The next day his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"
"AM I HURT?", he shouts, "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called, he hasn't
written."
Dear Diary,
A friend of mine called me up to tell me he was going to pop
the question.
"To who?" I asked.
"Gina," he replied.
"Gina?" I mused trying to recall her. "Is she the one with the
big tits who makes all that money?"
"Yeah."
"Don't do it," I said quickly. "She'll be the end of you!"
"Whaddya mean, TZ?" he was confused. "She makes a ton of cash,
more than I do, she's a looker with a great rack and she wants
to marry ME! I just don't think it gets any better."
"Look, George, money is great. Big tits are great, too. Trouble
comes when you combine the two in one wife. That's lethal."
Knowingly,
TZ
P.S. When we ran the plea for you to buy my book the other day,
we neglected to tell you you could order it and send us a check
later. So click this link and order now. You can send us the money
after you've read it. I know you're good for it.
http://laffaday.com/laff1.html <a href="http://laffaday.com/laff1.html">Laffaday Book</a>
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My son had just turned 15 when I finally decided to talk to
him about sex. To ensure private time, I brought him on a ski
trip and began our talk on the chair lift so he couldn't escape.
"Do you know about girls and babies?" I asked.
He nodded but cut me off.
The next ride up the ski lift, I brought it up again, only to
have him look away in silence. On the third lift, already knowing
I had waited too long, I bluntly asked, "Son, would you like to
talk about sex?"
"Damn, Dad," he responded, "is that all you ever think about?"