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An Alexander County deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about 2 miles north of
the Missouri state line. When the Deputy asked the driver why he was
speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he
was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.
The deputy told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver
would do a little juggling for him, he wouldn't give him a ticket. The
driver told the deputy that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and
didn't have anything to juggle. The deputy told him that he had some flares
in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler
stated that he could, so the deputy got three flares, lit them and handed
them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the squad
car. A drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, then went over to
the squad car, opened the rear door and got in. The deputy observed him
doing this and went over to his squad car, opened the door and asked the
drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "Might as well take my ass on to jail, theres no way in
hell I can pass that test."
The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and
his staff was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened
the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the
drive across town.
At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me
became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering
him to my doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, man,"
he said, "but I think it's too late!"
A priest is hearing confession at his church in County Cork
"Forgive me father" says the penitent, "for I have sinned. I am a single man
and I have had sexfour times in the last week with Fanny Green"
He is blessed by the priest who tells him to say five Hail Marys and go in
peace.
The next penitent arrives. "Forgive me Father" he prays, "I have sinned. It has
been a month since my last confession and in that time I have had sex twenty
times with Fanny Green"
The priest tells him to say five Our Fathers and ten Hail Marys and go in peace
But the next parishioner comes to confess
"Forgive me Father, I am a married man. It has been two months since my last
confession and in thattime I have had sex every day with Fanny Green"
The priest by this time is very much perturbed but blesses the man and sends
him on his way. However he cannot but wonder about Fanny Green. It is, after
all, only a small parish in which the priest knows every soul. But he has
never, before today, heard of this Fanny Green.
Nonetheless, it's time for mass and the priest heads off to lead the service.
Just as he is about to offer the host, the doors of the chuch burst open, and a
statuesque vision of loveliness the likes of which he has never seen, walk into
the church. She is dressed in green. Green shoes, green dress, green coat and a
green hat, topped off with a green feather.
This apparition confidently walks down the centre aisle to the front pew where
she takes a seat an fixes the priest with a seductive smile....all the time her
legs slightly just like that sinful hussy Sharon Stone....and he can
see...almost.....he thinks....her *****.
The priest is completely flustered and in the middle of mass too
He turns to the alter boy, wondering if this is the woman of whom he has heard
in confession.
"Tell me, lad" he asks, "is tat Fanny Green?"
"Noooooo Father, I tink 'tis just t' reflection from her shoes"
