[bonyhadi]

Lesbonics

01. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians? A licker cabinet
02. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? A Klondyke.
03. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? Militia Etheridge.
04. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.
05. Why do lesbians like to be reincarnated as whales? So they can have
10 foot tongues and breathe out of the tops of their heads.
06. What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur Traders.
07. What is a lesbian dinosaur called? A Lickalotapuss.
08. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? Well Hung.
09. What do two lesbians do when they are having their periods?
Fingerpaint.
10. What do lesbians call an open can of tuna? POTPOURRI.
11. What did the lesbian vampire say to her partner? See you next month.
12. Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned? She was found face down
in Ricki Lake.
13. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table doesn't
have balls.
14. Do you know what drag is? It's when a man wears everything a lesbian
won't.
15. What do you call lesbian twins? Lick-a-likes.
16. How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? She kick-starts her vibrator
and rolls her own tampons.
17. What's the definition of confusion? Twenty blind lesbians in a fish
market.
18. What's the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian? One's a
snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!










First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
Rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung over the shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas all made for man, just to make his heart sing.
Then God added a mouth, and ruined the whole damn thing.













Signs you might be a cop (right Crilly?)
1. You have the bladder capacity of three people.
2. You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
3. Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
4. You've asked Santa for an automatic weapon.
5. You request a criminal history on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
6. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal.
7. You own Kevlar underwear.
8. You find humor in other's stupidity.
9. You believe in Areal spraying of PROZAC.
10. You buy black leather for reasons other than home entertainment.
11. You know "GOING POSTAL" doesn't mean mailing a letter.
12. You believe that "ugly in public" should be grounds for arrest.
13. You believe that some people should have to get a permit to reproduce.
14. You fear the outcome if someone comments, "Boy it sure is quiet."
15. You believe that coffee and donuts are two of the four food groups.
16. You own at least five pairs of mirrored glasses.
17. You've ever wanted to fence off part of your city and turn it into a
prison.
18. You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid verdict.
19. You have ever had to put the caller on hold before you started laughing.
20. You wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide, get it right the first
time."
21. You have ever heard a Sergeant say, "Who's in charge of this mess,
anyway."
22. You paid more for your sidearm than you did for your car.
23. It occurs to you that you are policing "The Twilight Zone."
24. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
25. You refer to your work as "collecting garbage."
26. You think of politicians, lawyers and disease causing bacteria as the
same lifeform.
27. You think that if you weren't meant to drive fast, they wouldn't have
given you a car with lights and sirens.
28. You believe it's not a good death unless it courses overtime.
29. You haven't seen it all - just all the sick parts.
30. You have trouble differentiating between counsel and client.
31. You believe that everyone's IQ drops by 50% when they get behind the
wheel of a car.
32. You know that Miranda wasn't a dancer.
33. You don't see daylight from November to May.
34. People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room, because they
think it's funny and original.
35. You believe strongly in involuntary sterilization.
36. You believe in a "public stupidity" law, for those cases where nothing
else fits.
37. You are beginning to like the smell of pepper spray in the evening air.
38. Happy Trails till we meet again...................;p